Lessons Learned...On The Road

This pretty much happened to me last week, only I drive an SUV.

Living in this material world means that a girl has to eat and pay the occasional bill, or rather you fork over more than half of your paycheck to the bill collectors that is if you are me. To pay these aforementioned bills and for food, I schlep rags around the Southeast as a regional sales rep for FIVE (thats V) wholesale apparel lines. This may sound glamorous but all it really means is that I drive around the country battling rolling racks, weather and colorful buyers just to make sure your favorite local boutiques stay stocked with your favorite brands. (Oh you thought elves made the clothes and left them under the pillows of sleeping shopkeepers? Yeah so did I until I got a BS in the rag trade.)

While spending two-three weeks at a time away from home living out of hotels has earned me more in three months than a year of working in the mall, I'm exaggerating but not by much, the best thing my j-o-b has done for me is teach me life lessons that must be passed on. So instead of giving you life lessons from fictional characters or celebs, here's a little life advice from little ole moi: 

1. Make like a Boy Scout and always be prepared! Snagged a nail? Spilled coffee all over yourself? Cut your exposed ankle while wearing freshly laundered Keds? Anything that can happen, will happen so always be ready for shit to hit the fan because eventually it will. 

2.  Never underestimate the power of a smile. Whether I'm asking what's edible in the general area that is NOT fast food, in need of a hand to get my rolling rack full of stuff down the street to my car or the buyer I'm working with is in a mood, I generally find that an ounce of compassion and a SINCERE smile work like a spoon full of sugar. I even smile, sincerely, when I'm calling to set up appointments to tell someone they are having credit issues. They feel it and it helps. 

3. You can find familiarity in the most unfamiliar places if you know where to look. I've stopped at metaphysical bookstores in Asheville, vegetarian restaurants in Baltimore, pubs in Nashville and burger joints in Ft Lauderdale and each and every one of these places felt so much like home to me that being homesick never crossed my mind. 

4. And while you're at it, bring a little home with you. I love a regimented life. Ever the Virgo, schedules and lists make my life go round. When I'm on the road I take a little of my routine with me and keep my yoga mat, journal, laptop, and meditation tracks close. Not only do they keep me on a routine but they are all things I associate with home and home is where my shoes are.

5. Always know where your hoodie is. It keeps you warm, dry and stylish as you traverse the country. 

I have way more life lessons but I'll share those later...for now

Miracle Moment

My two fave OG Spiritual Gangsters, Russell and Rev Run. 

Amongst my closest friends I have developed a Rev Run like reputation for sending weekly inspirational texts that bring a bit of the mystic into the mundane. I started this years ago when I was still living with my mom as a means of spreading a kind word, support and a few lolz by signing it Rev Ana. Anywhoo, I've decided to take these miracle moments public since my nearest and dearest aren't the only ones who could use a minor shift on a Monday morning.

Today's Miracle Moment came to me while I was on gchat with my bestie Amber as we were trying to chat me through a crazy moment that deals with my ex and his ex. I felt myself going crazy stalker ex-girlfriend for a minute and reached out to my most grounded pal--in the relationship arena that is--to help me through. All she did was offer an ear so to speak and gave me the space to talk it out with me really. Our talk turned from my drama to how I cope with my intuition shouting something that my brain is not ready to accept. This lead to my first miracle moment--that's right I have 2 big, beautiful shifts for you--I told her the only way I can shift my focus from dwelling on the past and the future is to acknowledge that everything that is meant to happen in my life will eventually happen and all I have to do is show up! This may seem a bit too pre-determined for some of you, but for me it just means that I'm completely putting my faith in a higher power who knows my life's plan. It doesn't mean I'm going to sit on my ass and not work towards my goals, it just means that I'm going to let go and get in the flow. There is no reason to fight an uphill battle all your life trying to make something happen, if it's supposed to happen it'll happen with the right amount of hard work and divine intervention. 

After that little nugget, our conversation shifted gears to the ways in which society constantly reinforces the notion that the keys to happiness and success all lie in the arms of someone else or in a certain job, living in a certain house, making a certain dollar amount, wearing the right clothes or basically anywhere outside of you. Hence the reason people continue to sign up for Match.com and eHarmony and spend their entire paychecks on having the right car, the right cell phone, drinking the right coffee and buying groceries at the right store. This reminded me of my favorite quote by Gabrielle Bernstein that goes a little bit like this, "when you place your happiness in the arm of someone else, you're screwed." (Miracle Moment numero 2) Actually, anytime you place your source of happiness, success, self worth, love, peace, security etc outside of yourself you are totally effed. Why? Simply put, everything outside of you is subject to change whether it's the man, the job, the money, the house or the Choos, they are all fluid and temporary, the only constant in your life is you. So if you don't have a good relationship with you and your Source--by Source I mean God/the Creator/the Source of all things, I don't say universe because that feels silly to me but it may work for you--then you will continue to look for whatever you think you lack on the inside, outside and you will never find it. Trust me, I've found happiness in the arms of a man, the bottom of a bottle and the shoe department and the one thing I noticed is none of those things made me happy for long. So chew on that with your lunch. 

I Lost My Choo!!!

Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a phrase and concept that I never truly understood. I mean, what are you doing that your shoes are dropping? When I walk my shoes stay firmly attached to my feet at all times keeping me far from the danger of dropping one shoe let alone two. Perhaps this phrase was coined by someone who didn't wear shoes with straps or laces that was too big or something. Origins of the phrase aside, I do understand what it means to constantly be on the look out for something bad to happen, I spent a whole school year in therapy explaining my fear that no goo experience goes unpunished. While it's painful enough losing a shoe, or whatever the other shoe that is being dropped is supposed to represent, what happens when your other shoe is a Choo?

Jimmy Choo's Marlene feather platform sandal rings in at a whopping $1995 (no decimal between the 9s) and is a work of art to be treasured by any fashionphile. So imagine how gut wrenching it would be to drop one of these babies! Fortunately for you, I do know exactly how it feels to have a shoe of this magnitude drop. Not literally of course, I'm a writer who works in retail to keep her lights on and if you think I own $2000 shoes you really need to pinch yourself, or pinch me.  My Jimmy Choo Marlene feather platform was my most treasured possession, my boyfriend.

My real shoes are Calvin Klein...on sale!!!

It's crazy to think of a person as a possession, but when you are in the habit of putting people on pedestals, making them more special than you are and trapped in a vicious cycle of fear you do not see people, places, things and experiences as they truly are, that's what you do. You see everything as a tool for hurt and attack, capable of being lost or stolen and eventually causing great pain. When you create this kind of special relationship between a person, a job, a situation or a shoe, losing it means losing your greatest most treasured possession and ultimately means losing a part of yourself. For me, that is exactly what happened after years of being afraid that my Big would figure out how less than special I was and leave me. (That's not quite at all what happened but bear with me on this.) And you know what, I was hurt, shocked and broken but I wasn't disappointed.

When you spend your time building someone or something up to grandiose proportions that nothing can live up to and you constantly replay over and over in your mind the way things will NOT work out, how dare you be disappointed when the other shoe drops? The whole purpose of hanging on to that shoe and then fearing that it will drop at any moment is to soften the blow of what will happen when it eventually does drop. It does not ensure that you will keep it. Remember, the thing you think of most is the thing that you bring into your life, so if you constantly think "OMG! This Jimmy Choo Marlene sandal is so special and magical that if it drops I'll be broken. When it drops I'll have to figure out how to piece myself back together after having had such an amazing shoe," you know what happens, it drops and you shatter. But you say, "I knew it! That's how life always works" and aren't disappointed.


NEWSFLASH!!!! That is sooo not how life works. You've seen The Secret, you know that life works like this, "Think it, feel it, see it come into fruition." So um, yeah if you don't want your other shoe to drop, STOP WAITING FOR IT! The definition of waiting implies that you know something is about to happen so you do the mental math. I'm not saying ignore your fears, what I'm saying is do not put your trust and belief in them. Fear is a like your favorite frienemy. It will tell you, that you'd look great in that dress if your ass weren't so big and that guy would marry you if you had the right job. It never tells you that you are enough and that you deserve to be happy with both shoes firmly attached to your feet. Be grateful that you have feet and shoes, and if you happen to have a pair of Marlene's be grateful that you look amazing in them. Be then again if you are like me, you have amazing legs and look good in any shoe!

(I couldn't find the Lost Choo clip but this was the closest one I could find...So sue me. You won't get anything but a closet full of size 7 1/2 shoes and a bunch of clothes.)

What and The What?

I know, I know. You stumbled upon this blog and you're thinking,  "Ugh, not another riff on Sex and The City? I thought that phase ended after the movie came out. This girl must sip cosmos, think she's a Carrie, Charlotte, Miranda or Samantha and be super lame." Well, yes and no. I haven't had a cosmo in like 6 years, I would rather eat than buy shoes and I know that Carrie Bradshaw had to have supported her writing by moonlighting as a hooker in oder to afford a rent controlled spot on the Upper East Side with enough closet space to hold her Manolos, Choos, Louboutins and racks of pret-a-porter--writing doesn't pay THAT well future journalists until it does. But, in all fairness I have been called a Carrie since college because I'm a natural born communicator who can spot a fake LV bag from a mile away and often refers to shoes by their name not the brand, as in "Those are tributes right?" "No, they're YSL." "I know. But they're YSL Tribute pumps. I haven't seen that color, they're good." I also LOVE love and labels and support my writing with a steady part time mall gig to keep my closet full of brands I couldn't afford right now without a discount. Aside from those very surface level similarities, I am nothing like your average SATC lover....well I was until I wasn't.

College "It" Girl days captured in 225 Magazine

After graduating from college with a degree in Textiles and Apparel Merchandising--that's fashion merchandising fyi--I left Louisiana for Atlanta with big dreams of finding the perfect job and man. Cut to about three months in and I was working at the mall, living with my mom and miserable because I didn't have any friends--as a reformed party girl with the gift of gab, friends were/are my life blood. I tried moving back to Louisiana to relive my glory days pre-degree only to find that I'd grown to accustomed to the big city way of life, and Panera Bread, to ever call NOLA home again and moved back to ATL with the intention of eventually working my way to New York. Fast forward a bit again and I was working NY fashion week as an intern, kicking ass and making great connections, then my plan to move flopped because I was too scared of my own greatness to take a risk and leave this mediocre life behind. That decision to stay was the best and worst decision I ever made. Best, because I met the love of my life the New Year's Eve after I decided to stay and worst because despite making great strides in Atlanta and moving from blogger to writer and seeing my name in print I'm still exactly where I was in 2007 when I moved here, working in the mall. After two years and 8 months in the most loving, beautiful and perfect relationship ever, me and my Mr Big hit a road bump that left me broken, alone and pining for the one person that I know is destined to be a part of my life forever....we'll save that story for another day. 

Hanging with Candace Bushnell and LohSki at the W Buckhead

My Big break up led me here, after much soul searching and a self help book or two, starting a blog based on a dream I had--I feel like that's something Prince would say--that marries my love of fashion and all things pop culture with my new found spirituality. Yes, I drank the Kool-Aid so to speak but I'm not at all cult like. I mix wisdom from my teachers Gabrielle Bernstein and Marianne Williamson with wise words from everyone from Russell Simmons, Jay Z, Iyanla Vanzant,  the Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra and my spiritual running buddies that include the baddest psychic ATL or San Diego has ever seen and a cray, dancer who sees 11:11 as mucha as I do. I also remix the vapid, shallow, anti-feminist comings and goings of Carrie and her crew to fit my daily struggles as a writer, reluctant stylist and student and teacher of A Course in Miracles. Yes, I drink green juice and try to squeeze in a round of sun salutations between my morning meditations and getting dressed. Yes, I carry amethyst and The Alchemist in my Alexander Wang Coco Duffel. Yes, I accessorize with a mala and BCBG pumps. Oh and don't forget I bump Jay Z while catching up on Deepak's tweets, but none of that means anything. Life is all about balance, and that's what this is all about. I can shop like Carrie, meditate with monks, drink red wine while I detox, gather together a power posee of spiritual gangstas and call in all kinds of amazing miracles all while outing my ego and using the F word, both of them, because I am not a body with a spirit, I am a spiritual being in a body and therefore I am inherently spiritual. Word to your mother!