Monday, June 4, 2012

The Sound of Silence

*So, as usual I'm almost a week late with my answer to Danielle Laporte's Burning Question, but better late than not at all. 

There used to be a time that being alone in silence was quite unnerving for me. The minute the sound went off my thoughts went on overdrive convincing me of everything form my impending death by plane/car/intruder/being eaten alive by the million cats I'll have to fill the void of being single...and that was well under the age of 20. I used to be so terrified about what my mind would kick up the second silence settle on to a scene that I began sleeping with the radio on, which eventually morphed to sleeping with the TV on. The comfort of a sound to concentrate on allowed my mind to stay so busy listening that it forgot to think about all of the awful things that could happen to me on the daily. Inevitably,  the power would go out or I would be away from home and unable to sleep without the comfort of some outside sound and right on time like bangs at a Sleigh Bells concert, my thoughts would go on a mad dash that resulted in me laying awake for hours glued to my bed, praying for sleep. Eventually, sleep would come but not a restful one. Nights came and went, much like my anxiety issue,  and eventually I learned to deal with silence.

I don't know when or how it happend, somewhere between my breakup and learning a new normal I think, but one day I woke up and silence felt good. It felt calm and even necessary. All it took was for me to grasp one simple concept, "You are not your thoughts." I am not my thoughts, you not your thoughts and neither is ya mama. Of the 60,000 thoughts we have everyday, at least one of them is going to be less than amazing but that doesn't mean you should run with it. Picking up the one randomly bad thought you have every couple of hours and taking it for a ride on the merry-go-round until it has you dizzy and whipped up into a frenzy is so unproductive. I'm not saying you ignore your bad thoughts just say "thanks for sharing bitch" and keep it moving. No need to ruin your sleep worrying about what bills you have or haven't paid, what man you're going to meet or not meet, when you'll find a job and if you'll die a cat lady. All that time you spend worrying is a waste of time, point blank.

Back to silence. The minute I embraced the fact that my thoughts are just thoughts nothing more and that I control them not the other way around, silence became my greatest ally. I wake up and enjoy a cup of hot tea in silence after meditating, spend time in silence when I get to my hotel soaking up the scene and every night before I go to bed I chill the f*ck out in silence. Like my grandpa used to say....

1 comment:

  1. I love that revelation of "I am not my thoughts" -- thanks for sharing!