Lessons Learned from...Bad Reality TV

I watch an embarrassingly inordinate amount of television. Not only is my TV consumption off the charts but it is also composed of hours spent watching some of the worst stuff on TV. Don't believe me? Ancient Aliens is on in the background as I type. Be that as it is, I have learned a lot from my hours staring at the screen. For example, did you know aliens were responsible for the extinction of the dinosaurs? Me either but Girogio Tsoukalos said so and it's on TV so must be a least plausible. While I do learn a few things here and there from the "educational" channels, most of my lessons from TV come from reality shows. Yes, those scripted reality based dramas filled with bad acting and women who are setting the feminist movement back decades.  After years of zoning out to housewives, socialites and just girls off the street behaving badly, here are the lessons I've learned from reality tv.

1. "You ain't 'bout that life." Yes Evelyn, you are correct in assuming that I am not about a life that includes throwing wine bottles, demanding clique loyalty, hitting below the belt and chasing jocks. I haven't been 'bout that life since high school and that was 10 years ago this year for me.

2. Anyone can be famous if she's cute enough, lough enough, crass enough or has money and a sex tape backing her. I loved Simple Life but I blame Paris and Nicole for this. *Sidenote: Where are Paris and Nicole now? Paris is laying low living off of Hilton money and Nicole is a mom, wife and fashion designer. In other words they were a mess at 23 and now at 31 they've *gasp* grown up. 


3. Gucci, Gucci, Louis, Louis, Fendi, Fendi, Prada...

4. The worse you behave the more likely it is that you will get a spinoff, book deal or at least get invited to a late night talk show or something.

5. Women are suffering from an extreme case of low self esteem, or better yet a lack of self love. From Kim Kardashian to Joselyn on Love & Hip Hop Atlanta, and everyone in between, the ladies of reality TV are in serious need of a hug. Only someone who doesn't love who they are would go on TV and degrade themselves for a dollar. Whether they are looking for love and approval from a man who is cheating on them or at the bottom of a bottle or better yet from the American public, these girls need to look for love and approval in the one place that it lives...themselves.

*Climbs down from soapbox and turns on TV. 

Still Bitchy...

Here's an update on how my No Gossip challenge is going...BADLY. I engage in so much idle chatter that leads to smack talking at work that I need to stuff my ears and mouth with cotton. Like I said, we do it because we're bored. In the past two days that I've been at work we've been too busy *gasp* working to talk about anything, but we found a way. Tomorrow I'm going to be a bit more diligent about watching what I say. On the plus side I'll be done with work by Thursday. On the minus side, if the only way I can be done with gossip is to not talk to people on the reg I have a bigger problem than I thought.

21 Days To A Less Bitchy You!

If gossip were a sport Perez would win the gold medal!

Like I said before I'm a card carrying gossip girl, I got the card from the same guy who hands out and revokes race & gender cards he's really sketchy and sells fake Fendi bags out of his trunk. In an effort to be less catty/bitchy/hating/gossippy/insert word that means talking shit about other people just because I can, I'm taking up a challenge issued by my favorite ego warrior pal Rosi and will not let a negative word cross my lips for the next 21 days. That means no starting statements off with "I'm not being judgmental at all when I say this, just so you know..." or "I'm not trying to be any kind of way or anything but.." or better still "Maybe I shouldn't say this..." If I have to tell people I'm not being judgmental I'm probably being judgmental  and some kind of way, and for goodness sakes if the thought not to say something crosses my mind I should close my mouth and stop while I'm ahead. Since I know that I can't go around saying "I love you darling. It is all good. You are sweet as pie and ice cream" while my mind is going "What a C U Next Tuesday!" I'll also be cleaning up my 15 year old girl thought patterns as well. So for the next 21 days if I can't say or think anything nice I'll think something loving and move on!

I'll keep you all updated on how this goes. In the past 5-10 years I've amassed a ground of friends all based around the idea that if you don't have anything nice to say come and sit with us so this is going to take a LOT of work, but if I can run around Manhattan during fashion week in September in heels without breaking an ankle or my neck, this is a cake walk. 

So You Agree?

If you were Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls, Regina George would be your ego. Only your ego would turn a compliment into a "Who are you to think that of yourself?" moment.