Sunday, December 11, 2011

I Lost My Choo!!!

Waiting for the other shoe to drop is a phrase and concept that I never truly understood. I mean, what are you doing that your shoes are dropping? When I walk my shoes stay firmly attached to my feet at all times keeping me far from the danger of dropping one shoe let alone two. Perhaps this phrase was coined by someone who didn't wear shoes with straps or laces that was too big or something. Origins of the phrase aside, I do understand what it means to constantly be on the look out for something bad to happen, I spent a whole school year in therapy explaining my fear that no goo experience goes unpunished. While it's painful enough losing a shoe, or whatever the other shoe that is being dropped is supposed to represent, what happens when your other shoe is a Choo?

Jimmy Choo's Marlene feather platform sandal rings in at a whopping $1995 (no decimal between the 9s) and is a work of art to be treasured by any fashionphile. So imagine how gut wrenching it would be to drop one of these babies! Fortunately for you, I do know exactly how it feels to have a shoe of this magnitude drop. Not literally of course, I'm a writer who works in retail to keep her lights on and if you think I own $2000 shoes you really need to pinch yourself, or pinch me.  My Jimmy Choo Marlene feather platform was my most treasured possession, my boyfriend.

My real shoes are Calvin Klein...on sale!!!

It's crazy to think of a person as a possession, but when you are in the habit of putting people on pedestals, making them more special than you are and trapped in a vicious cycle of fear you do not see people, places, things and experiences as they truly are, that's what you do. You see everything as a tool for hurt and attack, capable of being lost or stolen and eventually causing great pain. When you create this kind of special relationship between a person, a job, a situation or a shoe, losing it means losing your greatest most treasured possession and ultimately means losing a part of yourself. For me, that is exactly what happened after years of being afraid that my Big would figure out how less than special I was and leave me. (That's not quite at all what happened but bear with me on this.) And you know what, I was hurt, shocked and broken but I wasn't disappointed.

When you spend your time building someone or something up to grandiose proportions that nothing can live up to and you constantly replay over and over in your mind the way things will NOT work out, how dare you be disappointed when the other shoe drops? The whole purpose of hanging on to that shoe and then fearing that it will drop at any moment is to soften the blow of what will happen when it eventually does drop. It does not ensure that you will keep it. Remember, the thing you think of most is the thing that you bring into your life, so if you constantly think "OMG! This Jimmy Choo Marlene sandal is so special and magical that if it drops I'll be broken. When it drops I'll have to figure out how to piece myself back together after having had such an amazing shoe," you know what happens, it drops and you shatter. But you say, "I knew it! That's how life always works" and aren't disappointed.

NEWSFLASH!!!! That is sooo not how life works. You've seen The Secret, you know that life works like this, "Think it, feel it, see it come into fruition." So um, yeah if you don't want your other shoe to drop, STOP WAITING FOR IT! The definition of waiting implies that you know something is about to happen so you do the mental math. I'm not saying ignore your fears, what I'm saying is do not put your trust and belief in them. Fear is a like your favorite frienemy. It will tell you, that you'd look great in that dress if your ass weren't so big and that guy would marry you if you had the right job. It never tells you that you are enough and that you deserve to be happy with both shoes firmly attached to your feet. Be grateful that you have feet and shoes, and if you happen to have a pair of Marlene's be grateful that you look amazing in them. Be then again if you are like me, you have amazing legs and look good in any shoe!

(I couldn't find the Lost Choo clip but this was the closest one I could find...So sue me. You won't get anything but a closet full of size 7 1/2 shoes and a bunch of clothes.)

No comments:

Post a Comment