Friday, December 16, 2011
In the grand tradition of shining light on my not so illuminated parts--not those parts, it's too cold to shine light on them in December--I have decided to out my guiltiest pleasure and probably one of my most shadiest traits; I'm a gossip. I love talking mad shit about people. Not because I think I'm better than them or anything, actually I'm not making any kind of judgement on them when I gossip, I do it because I can. When I don't have anything nice to say, I ramble and babble and eventually mad amounts of shit comes out about everyone around me.
Usually the stuff I say is so superficial that the person I'm talking about could laugh at it--I don't consider that gossiping--but every now and then I say stuff that might upset the person if they heard it, like saying a former co-worker smells like a cat or that another former co-worker has issues with her family therefore she'll always have relationship issues. While 80% of the stuff I say is as true as saying "the sun rises in the east" who the hell am I to go around spouting my version of the truth about other people to other people?
This has been the case since I could talk, and it is pretty much best summed up by a conversation I've had with my mom way too many times to count:
Mom: "You say things that can be mean and vicious sometimes."
Me: "I'm only telling the truth."
Mom: "Who asked you?"
Hmm....good question. No one ever asks you to speak the truth all the time about everything. How rude is it to just go around with verbal diarrhea spewing your version of the truth to whomever may listen? Very, but no matter how much at-one-ment I feel with others and how much I know that everything I say about others is a judgement about myself, even if it is just an observation, I still can't break the habit. I mean I've been gossiping since I was a wee one, now I'm old enough to have my own wee ones and for sure I don't want my unborn daughters to pick up that habit.
Gossipping does not feel good, actually it does not feel any way to me. The only reason I do it is to make small talk/entertain people/ exercise my jaws....guess I should read more so that I have more interesting things to say or do as the old adage says and keep my mouth shut when I don't have anything nice, or anything at all, to say. But how boring would that be? I'll figure out soon, because starting tonight, NO MORE GOSSIP and SMALL TALK....Ummm actually starting tomorrow.